17th Aug, 2009

My Best Friend

Best FriendI think that as we grow older we need to face the truth (whatever that truth is) more openly. In traditional cultures (those that we call primitive) they believe that any human being goes through 13 different stages of life (around every 7 years) which they call Rites of Passage.  Between 49-52 is a stage called Truth where the person would have to face her own Truth.

What is my Truth?

Well, yesterday was one of those days where I had to face the Truth. It wasn’t easy, it wasn’t nice and I certainly didn’t like it. I found myself in a place where no matter what others say about me (my friends), that I have achieved so much, that I went so far and that I am a huge success. I couldn’t see that success. I had to face the fact that in the last few years all the wonderful projects I’ve started did not get to the finish line. I don’t have real results to show for my progress. I didn’t achieve my goals.

Not such a “nice” fact to face especially on a day when my Intention card was saying: “There is no success without completion” Well, I guess you always get what you need, even if it’s not what you want. That was a harsh wakening for me.

At the end of the day I was sharing it with Nisandeh and to my surprise instead of being sympathetic to me he started implementing as if I am blaming him for it, which I wasn’t. Next he was confronting me with what am I going to do in order to make it different, he was all into his men type of communication – ACTION!

I found myself defending, attacking and getting hurt – all at the same time. It took me some time to wake up from my “trance” and remember: “he is my friend, not my opponent.” From that moment I could listen, really listen, to what he was saying and everything turned around.

Reflecting back on it this morning, I realized (again) that the most important quality that helps me in creating this wonderful relationship – is that we are each other’s best friend. Yes, it’s not the only thing. We are committed to the relationship and each other.

We share an overwhelming love and care to our daughter. We share similar values, goals and interests. We hold each other in the highest respect and we are an inspiration for one another (or I hope we are). And… I still find him the most handsome man I’ve met….

Yet, as wonderful and important as all these other qualities are, none of them guarantees keeping our love for each other alive and strong through the years, as much as being best friends.
Our daughter is growing and soon will not need us, values and goals change as we grow, physical attraction goes down and physical beauty… well… time is playing its tricks on that one too… especially for me. But no matter what happens, when I see him as my best friend, I still look at him with adoring eyes and a smile in my heart.

You see, when a friend tells you about her dream, you naturally encourage her to follow and pursuit it, even if it means not seeing her for a long time. When you notice that she is falling into a sabotaging pattern you tell her and confront her about it. But when your partner shares about his dream – how do you respond? Are you supportive, or do you automatically disregard it, or somehow minimize it – saying or thinking – “You can’t (or shouldn’t) do that. It’s not practical. It’s not what I want.”

When your partner confronts you with your own sabotaging patterns do you open up and listen, or do you (like I initially did) fight back and think that they have an hidden agenda or an ulterior motive.
I realized this morning that I tend to forget that he is my friend when I don’t like what I see in the mirror. When I’m confronted with my own shadows it’s harder for me to realize and hear the support that he has for me.

Once I woke up from my “Trance” of defensiveness, I could focus on what I could do to complete those projects. I got so fired out from the confrontation that instead of falling into “poor me” I went into the mode of “I’ll prove you”, which is a good start when you fall.

So all in all, he just proved, again, that he is my best friend.

Lucky Me!

Have a magical day!

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